Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
