I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
