dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
