Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
