Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
