I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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