I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
