Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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