no, he came in my armpit
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
