forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
