evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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