Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
