I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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