A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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