Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
