I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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