that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
