toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
