i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
