just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
