If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
