what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
