so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
