Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
