Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
