my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
