I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He told me they were just razor bumps!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My dick has a subreddit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
