Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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