You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't deserve a penis
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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