he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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