You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
