I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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