My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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