Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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