Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We are all done wearing pants today
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
