Kareoke will never be a sober sport
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
