Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
