two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
