I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
