Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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