oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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