It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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