Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
