i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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