a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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