We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
