She said her name was "party"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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