If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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