Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
