Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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