I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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