ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
